Pg1326
This prompt confused me a little bit, however I am going to go with my gut on what I think the question is asking. Oh and warning I am not a great story teller but I am going to try.
I remember it like it was yesterday, it was a very warm summers day, a Friday I believe, during summer break. My mom decided we would go to the park that day, “get out of the house,” she said. So we all hopped in the van, yes we had a minivan, it was my mom, my youngest sister Sam, and I. We all buckled up and made our way to the store, we were going to pick up a few things so we could have a picnic, then we packed up and headed on. At the time we lived in east Lancaster and we were heading out to Apollo Park, so it was quite a ride. Ten minutes into the drive my little sister, who was two, was getting fussy in the backseat. So mom told me to give her something to play with to keep her content. I looked around the car and found a necklace, one I had made a while back with my bead kit, it seemed to catch her eye. I gave her the necklace and a few minutes later she had quieted down. Finally, some peace. A minute or so later I looked back to check on her and saw the beads all over the floor and then I looked up at Sam and she was turning almost a shade of blue. I started to yell “stop, stop, it’s Sam, she’s blue.” My mom immediately pulled off the side of the road and went to grab my sister. I then went to the back of the van and try to help my mom, she told me to call for help. I called for help and in the mean time my mom was trying to dislodge the bead from her airways, my mom was an RN so luckily she knew what she was doing. I was no help, in the background flipping out, panicking, I could barely breath myself. I was waiting for what seemed like forever, when I heard my sister gasp for air. My mom started crying and picked my little sister up, we all began to weep. I was so thankful to have heard that little breath, it was like for just a minute the whole earth stood still and all I could hear was the sound of her heart, it was music to our ears. Minutes later the paramedics arrived and checked my sister, they told us that if she would have gone without notice for one more minute she probably wouldn’t have made it. The paramedics checked Sam out and said “she should be fine, you guys are all lucky.” I was so happy, but at the same time I felt such an enormous amount of guilt. I knew that the only reason that my sister had nearly died was because of me. Who gives a two year old a necklace made out of little plastic beads. I felt so horrible, it was like the whole world was resting on my shoulders, that’s the weight of the guilt I was holding. I picked up my little sister and rested my hand over her heart, it was the only thing I could do to keep me from bursting out in tears. I knew that it was only by the grace of God that she was still with us. After the crowd that had gathered, disbursed, we got back in the car and headed home. The day defiantly did not go as planned, but we were just thankful to all have each other.
I am not sure what animal I would compare my feelings of guilt to. All I know is that to this day, before I go to bed I go in and feel my sisters heartbeat, just to know everything is ok.
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wow, your blog was really deep and was something really personal this week. i thought you told your story very well, your are a story teller unlike you say, haha. i really enjoyed reading your blog, it really made me thinkn about things that i have felt grief and guilt from. i have also ben in a sitution similar to yours, my younger sister got lost at the fair. i was supossed to holding her hand, and i was like yuck i dodnt want to hold the babys hand and she wondered off. when my mom asked where she was i was speechless and just shrugged my shoulders, my mother was livid!! she was also very scared for the saftey of my sister. thank god i was soo lucky that one of my family friends had taken her hand and walked with her. we found my sister 10 mins later and were relived that she was with someone we both knew. if something would of happened to my sister i probally would of felt the same way as you did when you were the one to give your sister the necklace. good thing that we both learned from what we had done and are thankful and lucky enough to have our sisters here with us today!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very traumatic event you went through and I’m glad to hear your sister is alright. It is very lucky that you checked on your sister when you did and that your mom is a registered nurse. You must have felt a bunch of strong feelings during this ordeal. But the biggest feeling you listed was your feeling of guilt. Feeling like your sister choking was your fault is probably one of the worst feelings you can have because you love that person so much and you want to protect them. I have had a similar experience to this but I was the one who was hurt. My sister felt so bad and she couldn’t get over it for a while. I had to keep on telling her it was ok and things happens. That she didn’t mean it and everything ended up being ok so get over it. It’s been a while since the event and she seems to be more ok about the situation but it’s something we will never forget. It also makes us appreciate each other and our family more. So whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and we all learn from their mistakes.
ReplyDeleteWow, this was a very traumatic experience. You did such a good job explaining the details, that you grabbed hold of me and pulled me into the story with you. I was feeling every single second that passed before your little sister took her breath. The good thing is that she is okay. It was a traumatic experience that might have been place in the sight for you guys in order to keep the connection between the family. However, something you should never carry on is the formation of guilt, because guilt can really hurt someone. It was something that could have been avoided, but it happened and thankfully nothing bad is going on. There is just times that we trust the little ones too much and forget that simple things can really hurt them. I remember I was cleaning my room one day and there was coins scattered in the ground. At the same time my husband was in the living room, and then I hear my husband scream my name. I hurry and realize that my daughter was choking on a penny. I felt very upset because I had seen these pennies everywhere and just thought that maybe my daughter would not be interested in such object. I learned a lot from this experience and thankfully until this day, I never leave anything smaller than a soft ball on the floor. This are just a few experiences that prepare us to the rest of our lives and guilt should not be present unless we have committed something with purpose.
ReplyDeleteWow, I can't imagine how panicked you must have felt. But in situations like these, you can't blame yourself, we all make mistakes. The important thing is you recognize that had you not checked on her, she'd be dead too so in a way, you saved her life too. You can't blame yourself, it's like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but doesn't get you very far. I'm sure you're probably the best big sister that little one could ever hope for now a days. Thanks so much for sharing this story with us. I did lose a sister, but she was older than me, and she died after years of battling breast cancer so in a way I understand the terror but in a different way. When we first heard about it, I felt that immediate panic I think you did. I felt useless, insignificant, like an ant staring down the barrel of a fire hose. That's the only animal I can compare that feeling to in any way shape or form. I didn't do this prompt but I still think what you did was something special, great job.
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